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![3D"Description:](3D"http://ih.constantcontact.com/fs081/1103384404669/img/85.jpg") It's a question that almost
everyone who is caring for a person with dementia has asked:
How will I=
know
when it's time to place my loved on=
e in
a facility?
<=
/span>
Caring for a family
member is an act of love. But even the best-intentioned caregivers =
can
get in over their heads as their loved ones' health declines.
Caregivers are often heard to say, "Oh, Mom's not ready for As=
sisted
Living yet." What they don't realize is that Mom's already =
IN
Assisted Living - because they're providing it.
The reality of deme=
ntia
is that it is progressive, so that many of those diagnosed with it =
will
eventually need more care than can be provided at home. Families can
sometimes lose sight of the fact that the demands of full-time
caregiving may be more than any one person can realistically manage,
yet they are reluctant to move a loved one to a care facility. &quo=
t;We
promised Mom we'd never put her in a nursing home" is an
all-too-common dilemma for families who are struggling with guilt.<=
o:p>
While there's no cl=
ear
answer - every situation is unique - there are a few guidelines to
consider in determining when it might time for someone to be cared =
for
a professional setting. Common reasons that families decide to
move their loved one may include one or more of the following:=
Symptoms of the disease are becoming too difficult to
manage at home (incontinence, falling, aggressive or violent behavi=
or,
wandering, etc.)
The person is no longer able to walk.<=
/span>
The caregiver's health is being compromised (lack of
sleep, not enough respite support, or physical injury from lifting)=
<=
/span>
The person can no longer be left unsupervised.<=
/span>
The caregiver must work and cannot remain home to
provide care.
The home environment isn't safe for the older person
(stairs, narrow doorways, bathrooms that are not
handicapped-accessible).
Having the person with dementia in the home is creat=
ing
stress for other family members living there.<=
/span>
The person has had an acute episode (stroke, heart
attack, or injury) that requires more medical care.<=
/span>
=
Ultimately, the two
most important questions a family should take into account are:
1.
Is our loved one's safety at issue?
2.
Is the primary caregiver's health at risk?=
Begin reviewing your options early, before a crisis
occurs that will necessitate a sudden move under stressful conditio=
ns.
Talk to family, friends, and health professionals about their
recommendations. It's good to visit a few facilities now, get=
to
know the admissions staff, find out about amenities, philosophies, =
and
financial requirements, and allow yourself to get used to the idea =
in
small stages. Remember, your loved one isn't the only person who wi=
ll
have to adjust to this move.
Perhaps the most
important thing you can do is to begin preparing your loved one for=
a
change. Again, this should be done in small increments, not all at
once. Although they cannot remember many details or facts, people w=
ith
mild to moderate memory loss still have the same concerns and fears=
as
people whose memories are intact. Acknowledging their feelings,
recognizing their need to express them, and conveying to them your =
love
and support will go a long way in helping to smooth the transition.
Many families, when asked what would have made the move easier, adm=
it
that they probably waited too long to begin the process. Accepting =
the
move seems to be less painful for everyone when families take the t=
ime
to explore options rather than having to make immediate choices.
Consider taking your
loved one to lunch at the facility, maybe with another trusted frie=
nd
or family member along for reassurance. Ask about the possibility of
short-term respite stays, which allow the person to become familiar
with the staff and surroundings. Although there may be resistance t=
o it
the first time, it will likely take some of the fear and anxiety ou=
t of
a permanent move down the road.
Even after a though=
tful
decision is made to move a loved one, it is normal for caregivers to
feel sadness, grief, and plenty of guilt. Know that the promise to
always keep Mom at home was made with the best of intentions, but t=
hat
breaking this promise may now be
in her best interest. Although it's often diff=
icult
to accept, keeping her at home may no longer be the best thing for =
her.
Keep in mind that t=
he
role of caregiver doesn't end once a loved one moves to a facility.=
You
now become your family member's advocate, helping the staff to prov=
ide
the best care plan possible, offering personal background informati=
on
that only you can give, and helping to create a comforting, familiar
setting in a new environment. And you are now free to resume the ro=
le
of devoted daughter, son, spouse, or partner, without the constant =
worry
and strain of 24/7 responsibility.
Finally,
try to understand that taking care of yourself is a gift to your lo=
ved
one as well as yourself. You may have promised to always take care =
of
them - but you never promised you'd do it alone.<=
/span>
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